Numb with fear.

Remember that fainting thing we discussed and I said I was having it looked into? Today I had an appointment with a Cardiologist. He thinks I have something called Neurocardiogenic Syncope. I have to wear a monitor for a month, have an echocardiogram and a tilt-table test but that's not what scared me. What scared me the most... was the waiting room.

Everyone in the waiting room was in their late 60's to 70's. I sat down prepared to make the most of my child-free waiting room time but wasn't able to read my book, because I could not stop eavesdropping on the group of about 6 people behind me. They were discussing people that they knew collectively, who had cancer, who was on 16 kinds of medication, who had heart problems, who died and then went around each telling what was wrong with them personally. At one point an elderly man came out of the office into the waiting room, carrying a ziplock bag so full of medication that I almost offered to carry it for him. He happened to know everyone that was sitting in the quilting bee behind me and walked over to say hello and discuss all of the different medication he was on. Which he was sort of forced into as when he was in the checkout area, all of the people behind me were loudly commenting on how much medication was in his bag.

It scared the crap out of me. I was honestly numb with fear. Because at that moment it occured to me, that someday, I too will be old. Holy Crap! I have to do something about this! I'm 33 years old and I'm ALREADY sitting in a Cardiologists office. And I smoke. And I don't exercise. And I forgot to take my vitamins today. What in the hell is WRONG with me?! I need to get moving. This. Is. Important.

This isn't about fitting into a little black dress, this is about never having to be in a Cardiologists office again. This is about survival. This is about the Cardiologist telling me that it wouldn't hurt me to lose 20 pounds... (and do you know he said it nicer than anyone else ever has) but if I wanted to eat french fries to go right ahead, just make sure I load it up with salt.

You know, I may not be able to give up Reece's Cups and I do love a grilled cheese sandwich, but I have GOT to start exercising. Or else one of you may have to carry around my bag of pills for me and I'm just way independent for that crap. Yeah. It really scared me THAT much.