Larry's Magical Commentary

Larry left this comment in the previous post but it's too funny not to post as an entry.

Larry Says:

"You've no idea the danger you've just put yourself in, encouraging such a habit in your husband.

Collectible Card Battle Games are the scourge of modern society. It has been estimated* that over 300 acres a minute of rain forest is destroyed just to keep up with the unholy demand for such card games as “Magic – The Boredom”, “Yugi-o”, “Iraq: Quagmire Magic!” and “Lovable Dance-Dance Battle Worship Master Satan”.

They have an awful influence on today's youth, and an even worse effect on the nation's husbands.

I should point out that Jorma once possessed a distressing amount of these cards. When he moved to California, he gave me what I honestly believe to have been around 35 – 40 pounds of the things in a few gigantic cardboard boxes, and bid me give them to Jay.

There had to have been /thousands/ of cards. During the middle of a hot and hellishly humid day, the likes of which only Charlotte can seemingly produce, Jay and I had to make multiple trips to my VW Beetle, hauling boxes out of the back seat, climbing the three flights of stairs to his pad, putting them on the floor, and repeating. The last trip was the worst; one of the boxes ripped open and cards went everywhere. Once Jay noticed that a few of these were “rare”, he went crazy.

Here's the image. Two grown men. In 95-degree heat. On their hands and knees, in a parking lot, on scorching asphalt, manically digging cards off the ground as fast they could, lest “Forest of Dread” or “Magic Dungball Summon” melt.

We both had to change clothes and shower after that. Jay sweat at least five pounds of body weight. For about three months afterwords, I'd randomly find a magic card under the drivers' seat, in the glovebox, wedged in the gear shifter.

The fact he's once again amassed such an army, nay, and armada, of these things scares me. Beware, Janice! He's CRAZY! Don't let them suck you in with their silly card games. Do something healthy, like play “Final Fantasy X” for 300+ hours. :)"

Funny stuff.