The Liberation of Mommy

Yesterday was a hard day. I’m not sure if it was the weather, the child or pms, but by the time 4pm rolled around, I was ready to cry. It was a day full of nothing but, “No no, that’s not a toy. No, baby, don’t put THAT in your mouth. No, no HONEY, we do NOT tackle little brother.” All. Day. Long.

Tonight I thought…how liberating it would be just to let the kid do whatever the hell he wants just for one day. Just one day of not telling him no every five minutes. Just one day of only stopping him when he was about to hurt himself or someone else and just letting everything else slide. Just cleaning up the coffee that he’s stolen off of the counter. Just sweeping up the shards from the ceramic coffee cup after he’s thrown it on the floor. Just letting go. Completely. Would it be exhilarating to not pick up socks off of the floor all day long and just freakin relax? To not be peeved if he strips down naked and runs through the yard screaming because he wants the irrigation system on. To just leave the clothes lying on the deck, continue reading my novel and cooing at Tristan. Turn on the sprinklers. To let him play with the cell phone. Would it be wonderful? Would it be terrifying? Would it be hard? Would I be able to do it at all? 

And how would it be for Connor? The best day that he’s ever had? Would it be exhilarating for him to be able to let loose each impulse and not look over at Mommy to see if he’s allow to do whatever it is that he’s doing? To have Mommy walk into the room and not take something away from him two hundred and forty seven times during the day. To be able to run through the house naked blowing on his plastic flute like a drunken cherub at seven thirty in the morning. To just have it his way… all day long.

Would it make it worse to let him find his own way for a day? Or better?  Would he keep pulling up the potted plants if I didn’t tell him no? Or is the thrill of it all just in the daily battle for control?

I want to try it. Just for one day I want to let him loose on the world. Just for one day I want to sit back and let go. Just for one day I want to not feel like the taker away of all things fun. Just for one day I want to breathe. I am young and life is long… and there is time to kill today.