We had a rough day yesterday, including a birthday party at one of those small kids’ Gyms, where Connor, who was the only kid that was unable to sit still in line and wait his turn, was reprimanded every 15 minutes. The worst incident was when they had the kids in a circle around two large tumbling tunnels. The tunnels were stacked one on top of the other with a cone on top. The children were supposed to throw their balls at the cone which was about 7 feet off of the ground. The coach gave the kids their balls and asked that they wait to throw them. Connor threw his immediately. She waited for me to get his ball back to him and he threw it again. Then, he ran over and crashed into the tower toppling it over.
I was absolutely humiliated. I pulled him out of the party took him into the lobby and had him sit for five minutes to calm down. I talked to him about it. I threatened. He promised. Then I brought him back into the party, where he continued to ride the edge of the, Mommy will take me home if I don’t behave threshold.
To add insult to injury, one of the other Mom’s came over and told me that her neighbor’s kid has ADHD and that they make him stand with his arms out for 5 minutes to punish him and that it really works. Then she continued to launch into a stream of unsolicited advice about how I should be disciplining Connor. She didn’t SAY that’s what I should be doing… but coming over and just randomly explaining to me the types of discipline that works with her children. I was so completely shocked by this that I couldn’t even respond. All I can think about is how I can’t even explain to her how much we DO for Connor to keep him disciplined. That we have a detailed chart system, he earns chips and uses them to buy things that he wants. We have a bedtime clock so that when we take minutes off of bedtime he can see what his bedtime clock says, by matching up the hands next to the mantel clock it sits next too. That I’m constantly experimenting with different supplements and methods to try to help him. That we chart each thing that goes into his mouth, eliminate food dyes and do crazy therapy with him several times a day. That I probably read more in a week on how to help my kid than she reads in three months. I want to explain all of this to her, but I can’t, because I’m afraid that if I open my mouth, something else might come out. Something that’s not appropriate at a child’s birthday party. So instead I just get up and walk away. That’s what Gandhi would do, right?
I cried the entire way home and then three other times on the phone with random people. It was an awful day. It’s hard enough for Connor who honestly can NOT control himself. It’s not a matter of him not knowing what to do. He has no impulse control. Should I have taken him home? I’m so unbelievable sick of blame. Why does it have to be the parents fault all the time? Why can’t people get that my kid can’t control himself BECAUSE SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH HIS BRAIN?! Maybe I’ve been going about this all wrong. Maybe instead of doing all of this crazy shit, I should just take away his teddy bear. That ought to do it.
Does no one understand compassion anymore?
1 comment:
Dang! You made me cry too! I know you are a good mommy and Jorma's a good daddy and yall both are doing everything possible to help Conner. It is a shame that people just start saying stupid stuff w/o knowing whats going on and Im with ya! I would have just gave her a eat dookie and die and go to hell look and left too. Im sorry that its so stressful on you two and I really hope with all your hard work in research yall are able to help Tristan and Conner both. Yall are great parents and dont worry so much about other people. They dont KNOW you!
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