Dear Connor,
Mostly your Dad puts you to bed each night and I put your brother down. Sometimes though, your Dad goes to the gym or something else is going on and I put you both down or your Dad and I will switch the duties and I’ll put you to bed. On the nights that I put you down for bed you always ask for a lullaby that you’ve never heard before. So, I pull something out of the recesses of my brain to sing to you. Sometimes I get part of the way through the song and realize that the words need to change very quickly because when I’m singing Jeremy by Pearl Jam, I don’t want to sing the, “bit the recess ladys breast” lyric and quickly change it to, “gave the recess lady a kiss”. You’ve heard some Led Zepplin, Fleetwood Mac, Jefferson Airplane and Black Eyed Peas. You like the Tori Amos, Happy Phantom song and remember the ones that I’ve sang to you before. You like the Janis Joplin, Mercedes Benz song but you say it’s too loud.
Mostly your Dad puts you to bed each night and I put your brother down. Sometimes though, your Dad goes to the gym or something else is going on and I put you both down or your Dad and I will switch the duties and I’ll put you to bed. On the nights that I put you down for bed you always ask for a lullaby that you’ve never heard before. So, I pull something out of the recesses of my brain to sing to you. Sometimes I get part of the way through the song and realize that the words need to change very quickly because when I’m singing Jeremy by Pearl Jam, I don’t want to sing the, “bit the recess ladys breast” lyric and quickly change it to, “gave the recess lady a kiss”. You’ve heard some Led Zepplin, Fleetwood Mac, Jefferson Airplane and Black Eyed Peas. You like the Tori Amos, Happy Phantom song and remember the ones that I’ve sang to you before. You like the Janis Joplin, Mercedes Benz song but you say it’s too loud.
You are all about your new preschool. It's hard for you to keep it together the entire day but by God you are doing it. I'm so proud of you. I know how hard it is for you to sit still. Each day you bring home your folder and I check your behavior status and there's a smiley face which means you were good all day. It makes me so happy.
You've been making up songs with words that rhyme and you're pretty damn good at it. You love making potions (mud pies), Danny Phantom and your new babysitter. You are driving me completely insane with your, "What if" game that begins with you asking me strange what if questions until I feel like I need to go and lock myself in a broom closet to get away from it all. This morning it was "What if Tristan ate a snake?" At first I tried to prove the futility of your question by answering, "How would Tristan catch a snake?", you weren't having any of my crap though, you simply respond with, "What if he did catch one?" It's Who's on first for the first thirty minutes of each day. I've considered moving the coffee pot to the upstairs bedroom.
You've been making up songs with words that rhyme and you're pretty damn good at it. You love making potions (mud pies), Danny Phantom and your new babysitter. You are driving me completely insane with your, "What if" game that begins with you asking me strange what if questions until I feel like I need to go and lock myself in a broom closet to get away from it all. This morning it was "What if Tristan ate a snake?" At first I tried to prove the futility of your question by answering, "How would Tristan catch a snake?", you weren't having any of my crap though, you simply respond with, "What if he did catch one?" It's Who's on first for the first thirty minutes of each day. I've considered moving the coffee pot to the upstairs bedroom.
This morning we had a "Test-Mommy-Who's-on-First" when I went to open up the fridge and there was something wet and slimy under the handle. It rubbed off on my hand.
I said, "What in the hell is THAT?" I thought I was talking to myself, but then realized that I wasn't when you responded, " I don't know, Mama, What the hell IS that?"
This is how the rest of the conversation went.
I said, "What in the hell is THAT?" I thought I was talking to myself, but then realized that I wasn't when you responded, " I don't know, Mama, What the hell IS that?"
This is how the rest of the conversation went.
"Don't say that word."
"What word? Hell? Why can't I say Hell?"
"What word? Hell? Why can't I say Hell?"
"Because you're four"
"And four year olds can't say Hell?"
"No. Stop it."
"And four year olds can't say Hell?"
"No. Stop it."
"Why can't four year olds say Hell Mama?"
"Connor..." (in a warning tone)
"Connor..." (in a warning tone)
"I was just wondering why four years olds can't say Hell. Is it not appropriate?"
I won't bore my readers with the rest of the conversation, because it basically ended up with me getting testy and him understanding that the envelope had been pushed far enough.
I won't bore my readers with the rest of the conversation, because it basically ended up with me getting testy and him understanding that the envelope had been pushed far enough.
Or at least until Mommy had another cup of coffee.
I love you,
Mama
I love you,
Mama
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