If You Build it They Will Come

When Connor was first diagnosed with SPD, I searched for a local support group. Finding that some pediatricians and the general population both don’t have an understanding of this disorder is frustrating. I searched the SPD foundation website, but did not find any support groups for Charlotte. So. I volunteered to start one. Starting one is quite simple. You volunteer though the SPD Foundation to be a host. You have to sign a legal form or two and voila! you are a host. I met another Sensory Mom at a birthday party and she volunteered to co-host it with me. Maybe for one person it would be difficult, but between the two of us, certainly we could pull it off. And then the marketing begin. We’ve called every OT in Charlotte and asked them to post our flyer. I sent an email to my MOMS club and that email is still circulating around the internet. My co-host posted flyers in public places. I hit up Facebook and asked friends to let their friends that have SPD kids know about us. I thought maybe we’d get 5 or 6 people that were interested. Now we have about 20.

For the first meeting we are getting together lists of local OTs, name tags, ice breakers, logo, agenda and a reservation in the backroom of a local restaurant. We are rolling right along. I think it’s going to be fantastic for the community and not as much work as you might think, once the ball gets rolling… there’s only one flaw. Since my co-host and I are the founders of this group in Charlotte, of course we are expected to stand up and lead the group. You know, like actually stand up and speak to them… as in public speaking. (Enter organ music here). I read a survey once that asked people which they would rather do, give a speech, or get hit by a bus. A surprising number of those surveyed said they’d prefer the bus. I am one of those people.

For those of you that do not know me that well, let me tell you my dirty little secret… public speaking terrifies me. Now I know you are thinking to yourself that you get nervous too when standing up in front of a group of people. But you don’t get nervous like this. Oh no you don’t. My entire body shakes. My voice shakes. I break out into hives. I am that person. I know you think that I’ll get used to it, (once I took three back to back semester long public speaking classes), or that if I’m talking about something I’m passionate about I’ll be ok, (you should have seen the speech I gave on how to take better pictures… you could see my heart beating through my shirt). Now eventually I do get used to it. It takes a lot of time but eventually I’ll be ok, but I still worry about that first impression. What’s the worst is that when people see you are nervous, they give you their full attention. They stare at you completely, hoping to look interested so you will relax. I can not tell you how much worse this makes it. But I will give myself credit. I will not. Stop talking. I will finish my words. I will not sit down. I will brace myself on the table to keep my weak knees functioning. I will not sit down. Even though my body is betraying me.

Maybe this time it will be different. Maybe because someone will be standing up with me I will be ok. Maybe I’ll have a glass of wine and the liquid courage will wash over me and keep me steady. Maybe. But there are people coming that are going through the same things that we are going through with their own children. There are people that are so excited about this group starting and that can’t wait for the first meeting. I can just hope that will be enough to keep me focused and wash away my phobia. Because once my phobia is gone… I’m taking over the world, people.