SPD Support Charlotte

The Monday before my SPD Support group meeting, I woke up at 7am and my hands were shaking. I didn’t have a nightmare, my blood sugar wasn’t low, I was nervous… four days before. By the time Thursday came, I had it pushed out of my mind until the drive up to the meeting location, where the only thing I could do to distract myself was to grab the nearest unscratched CD and blast it as loud as it would go. I would like to interject here that no matter how good you look, what you are listening to, or where you are driving, it is impossible to be cool while driving a minivan. Once I arrived at our chosen venue, (local restaurant with backroom), people slowly started coming in. I was drinking a beer, praying that the liquid courage would work its magic.
Apparently it did.
I was really nervous when I first started talking to the group. Everything I had rehearsed in my head a million times was gone as the panic took my words away. We were sitting in bar stools at the end of the room so that everyone could see us and because I was holding a beverage, it made it possible to hold on tightly enough that you couldn’t see my hands shaking.
I told my story, which was much shorter and less poignant that I had hoped it would be, thanks to my nervousness but once I was finished talking, I relaxed and was able to speak to the group without feeling like my heart was going to leap through my chest.
I believe that this group is needed. I believe it so much, that I don’t give a shit if I get up there and uncontrollably shake each time I talk to them. What is one person’s embarrassment to the salvation of 20? Or 19, which is how many people we had at the first meeting. It was amazing.
When I was telling my story and talking about Connor rubbing poop all over everything for several weeks, there were people that were emphatically nodding. When I talked about how frustrating it is to have a child that’s out of control or to have people tell you that all you need to do is provide more discipline when you know that you are being as consistent and possible and might in fact, be more strict than a lot of parents that you know, people were nodding… not just smiling and nodding either, nodding because they understood. Because they too had been though the confusion, the judgment that comes with having an SPD kid. I had known them all for about 15 minutes and they understood me. And I understood them. And we were starving to talk to each other.
The group members passed around information about diets, doctors and books. They talked about their frustrations with the pediatricians not understanding and their families that didn’t think there was anything wrong with their child. They talked about how long it took to figure out there was a problem and no one has every heard of SPD. They talked. And talked. And talked.
My co-host, Susie and I were still sitting at the front of the room, more as spectators of the discussion than members of it, because we were running the show. Susie mentioned that next time she wanted to be sitting at the table and I couldn’t have agreed with her more.
So far I’ve had over 50 people contact me about the group. I don’t know that we’ll have that many people show up at each meeting, but I do think the group may get even larger than that as the news spreads that it’s out there. I’m just glad that we are able to offer support to so many parents who, like me are starving for connection. We are going to need to find a bigger meeting room.

Dear Tristan - 3 Years Old!

Dear Tristan,

For your birthday this year, we got you something that you've never had before. Your very own birthday party. We felt like you were starting to get jipped, being the second child and all, so this year when you turned three years old. It was all about you. And you were all about that. You had your very own Iron Man balloon and your very own cake. Best of all, you got some of your very own presents. Presents that you were encouraged, but not forced to share with your brother.

For us, three is worst than the terrible twos. Or at least it was with your brother. I have no doubt that three is going to be worse for us with you than two was. This is because the day you turned three you started whining and you have not stopped yet. So much that even last night in your sleep you were whining.

Your present from us for your birthday was a big boy bed. No more sleeping on your converted crib on that hard old crib mattress for you. Now you have a comfy, cozy, bed complete with memory foam pad on top. Cush. Except you'd still rather sleep in your chair. I've considered removing the chair from your room, but that would be like taking away your blanket. I mean, I guess eventually you won't fit in your chair anymore, right? RIGHT?

You've started your second year of preschool at a brand new school. You cried the first two days that I dropped you off. You protested so loudly, in fact, that I could hear you screaming in the parking lot while standing next to my car. It was hard to drive away, but I'm glad that I did, because by the third drop off you went barreling into the class and throwing your arms around (one of) your teachers legs. Now... you love it. Except for the one time that teacher was out sick and you went running into the classroom and then froze like a deer in the headlights when you saw the sub. You saw your other teacher that is usually there, (you have two in the classroom), but weren't having any of that. There was some screaming that day too... but only for a little while.

I can't believe how charismatic you are. Maybe you whine a little bit, (HA!, a little bit...) but you sure know how to schmooze. I'm glad of this characteristic even more than your vocabulary, which is a match for any 5 year old on the playground... because because charismatic will serve you well, especially when you are drop dead gorgeous.
I love you like crazy,
Mommy

Why You Shouldn't Drink Before a Presidential Speech

Remember last night when during the Obama speech on health care, Joe Wilson yelled out, "You're lying!"? It was awesome. Not that he yelled that... but that he's such a moron that he didn't realize being so blatantly rude to the President of the United States could come with a price. I mean really. Right, wrong or indifferent. You can admit that was pretty fucking rude, right?
Of course everyone on the Internet has probably blogged this link already... so here's mine:
http://www.joewilsonisyourpreexistingcondition.com/
As much as I'd like to pretend that I found this link somewhere on CNN, Jorma showed it to me when he got home... I was busy ironing. No really.
I think what's even more interesting than this link, is the link on the bottom right. It looks like the attempt to run Joe Wilson out of office might be quite lucrative for Rob Miller the Democratic Election hopeful for 2010. So far, $185,307.32 has been raised to "teach Joe Wilson a lesson". I think this is freakin hilarious. I bet never another senator will start yelling like they are at a high school pep rally. Or at least any Senator that wants to keep their job.

If You Build it They Will Come

When Connor was first diagnosed with SPD, I searched for a local support group. Finding that some pediatricians and the general population both don’t have an understanding of this disorder is frustrating. I searched the SPD foundation website, but did not find any support groups for Charlotte. So. I volunteered to start one. Starting one is quite simple. You volunteer though the SPD Foundation to be a host. You have to sign a legal form or two and voila! you are a host. I met another Sensory Mom at a birthday party and she volunteered to co-host it with me. Maybe for one person it would be difficult, but between the two of us, certainly we could pull it off. And then the marketing begin. We’ve called every OT in Charlotte and asked them to post our flyer. I sent an email to my MOMS club and that email is still circulating around the internet. My co-host posted flyers in public places. I hit up Facebook and asked friends to let their friends that have SPD kids know about us. I thought maybe we’d get 5 or 6 people that were interested. Now we have about 20.

For the first meeting we are getting together lists of local OTs, name tags, ice breakers, logo, agenda and a reservation in the backroom of a local restaurant. We are rolling right along. I think it’s going to be fantastic for the community and not as much work as you might think, once the ball gets rolling… there’s only one flaw. Since my co-host and I are the founders of this group in Charlotte, of course we are expected to stand up and lead the group. You know, like actually stand up and speak to them… as in public speaking. (Enter organ music here). I read a survey once that asked people which they would rather do, give a speech, or get hit by a bus. A surprising number of those surveyed said they’d prefer the bus. I am one of those people.

For those of you that do not know me that well, let me tell you my dirty little secret… public speaking terrifies me. Now I know you are thinking to yourself that you get nervous too when standing up in front of a group of people. But you don’t get nervous like this. Oh no you don’t. My entire body shakes. My voice shakes. I break out into hives. I am that person. I know you think that I’ll get used to it, (once I took three back to back semester long public speaking classes), or that if I’m talking about something I’m passionate about I’ll be ok, (you should have seen the speech I gave on how to take better pictures… you could see my heart beating through my shirt). Now eventually I do get used to it. It takes a lot of time but eventually I’ll be ok, but I still worry about that first impression. What’s the worst is that when people see you are nervous, they give you their full attention. They stare at you completely, hoping to look interested so you will relax. I can not tell you how much worse this makes it. But I will give myself credit. I will not. Stop talking. I will finish my words. I will not sit down. I will brace myself on the table to keep my weak knees functioning. I will not sit down. Even though my body is betraying me.

Maybe this time it will be different. Maybe because someone will be standing up with me I will be ok. Maybe I’ll have a glass of wine and the liquid courage will wash over me and keep me steady. Maybe. But there are people coming that are going through the same things that we are going through with their own children. There are people that are so excited about this group starting and that can’t wait for the first meeting. I can just hope that will be enough to keep me focused and wash away my phobia. Because once my phobia is gone… I’m taking over the world, people.