I'm a Quitter... Again

My favorite cigarette isn’t the first one of the day with my cup of coffee. It’s the second one of the day, (also with my cup of coffee). It’s the get it together smoke. The one where the kids are occupied, everyone’s had breakfast and I’m deciding how I’m going to put the day together. I’m planning. I’m relaxing. I’m gathering my strength to start getting everyone dressed, picking up the litter of toys throughout the kitchen and to explain to my oldest child that he can not teach his brother how to climb the drawers like a ladder to get onto the kitchen counter. I’m preparing for war.
This is the cigarette that I miss the most. I miss it, because as of January 2^nd, I became a non-smoker, again. (Except for the pack that I found by accident in the van, which had 4 who knows how old smokes in it, which I smoked staleness and all). With the exception of those I’ve been without. It’s been said, that kicking a cigarette addiction is akin to kicking a heroin habit. Granted, you don’t die from the nicotine withdrawal, like you can from a smack addiction, but I’d also like to point out that you can’t buy smack at the grocery store. Or at least the ones in our neighborhood.
I’ve quit with both of the pregnancies, but always managed to start back shortly after. It seems harder this time and I’m not sure why. I’m so wrapped up with nicotine as a reward system. I get the kitchen cleaned up, throw in a load of laundry and go have a smoke. The kids go to bed for the night and I go sit outside and have a smoke. I guess also, it’s one of the few times daily that I’m actually alone. It’s my little five minute breaks from the kids several times a day. It relaxes me.
I decided to quit this time, because it’s just time. I’d had my fun, I’ve been smoking for years and it’s time to start preparing for the future. Each time Connor gets a cold, I hope and pray I don’t get it because I don’t want it to move into my chest. Each time that I went outside in the freezing cold to smoke and each time I had to run to the store for a pack of smokes it reminded me. But mostly each time I looked at the kids, I wanted to quit. I wanted to be around for them.
I’m trying to avoid the 15 lb weight gain that comes with smoking. It’s hard to do since I feel like I’m hungry all of the time and I just can’t quit munching. One step at a time…