A Little Leak of Faith

My contract ends on Nov 14^th with the company that I'm currently working for and Jorma still doesn't have a start date for his new position. The company that he's going to be working for sounds like it's a great place to work and we are excited about the prospect of new opportunity. Because we don't yet know when he's going to actually start though, it feels like it did when we were waiting day by day for Everdream to call us and let him know the his start date with them. Because we got burned with the Everdream deal we both can't help but be nervous about the new company, as we wait for official news.
I think we both expected to feel a sort of relief once he officially got the position at this new company, but because we were burned by the "hurry up and wait" before, there's no deep sigh of relief for us... yet. It's only been two weeks since he interviewed and they were supposed to get him the official offer letter with a day to begin working. The suspense is killing me.
Each time I get a new email in my inbox at work, I keep thinking that they've contacted him and he's got news. Each time my cell phone or the extension at my desk rings, my heart swells with hope. I'm just so tired of being disappointed.
I haven't written much about the whole unemployment thing on the blog because it's just so damn hard to write about. Each time I start to write an entry I'm so overwhelmed by the stress of the whole thing, that I just end up sounding like I'm wallowing in self pity. So I delete my entry and writing nothing at all. But it's been hard. It's been hard on Jorma especially, but also hard on the kids and hard on me.
Luckily during this time, we've had lots of support from friends and family, some of which have gone further than "out of their way" to help us with the networking or searching that's so essential to the job search. And although in the end, the opportunity that's currently on the table is one that we found ourselves, you have no idea, how deeply appreciative I am of everyone that's helped us. If even your version of "helping" consisted of a lecture of the importance of education.
I'll keep everyone posted on new events as we know. If you are into prayers what we need now isn't the perfect opportunity, it's a prayer that the HR  member that works for the perfect opportunity will return his phone calls, so we can take a big sigh of relief.

 

Sleepover

Sleepover
Originally uploaded by Dewchild

We adopted the Diego doll last Christmas and Connor's been sleeping with it ever since. He gets moved around the house from place to place, but Jorma and I prefer it to stay in the bedroom. When we see Diego out of the corner of our eye, it almost always registers as another kid and we do a double take. It's sort of creepy that way, At first it would startle me when I would go in to check on Connor at night, but now that I'm used to it, the site of Connor snuggled up next to him just makes my heart melt.

Not Quite Famous

I forgot to watch Good Morning America this morning to see if my 3 word submission made it in. Luckily I was able to go here and see this weeks picks. But sadly mine was not among them. Mine was good, I thought, but definately couldn't compete with some of the submissions they received. The one with the baby crawling on the blanket, brought tears to my eyes.
I guess I'll just have to submit another one this week and see if it airs two weeks from now. I don't know what I'll do for it, but I'll be sure to post it here.

Death of a Wolf

I usually don't hold a grudge when Connor gets in trouble. He gets time out or whatever, but then I forget about it and move on. But tonight I'm holding a grudge. In addition to missing my old life, my sweatpants, my kids. In addition to feeling like Tristan is so used to my not being around during the day that he doesn't seem to miss me when I'm gone. In addition to not being able to keep up around the house, tonight my circuits are in overload, because today while Connor was having quiet time in his room... although he had pooped before he went up stairs... he pooped while he was supposed to be either quiet or napping and repainted the mural wall with it. I of course was at work during this time, so Jorma did most of the wall washing. It was two hours after I got home before I could even face the damage.
It came off most of the mural pretty well, except for the wolf. The wolf that I spent hours painting now must be repainted because when the poop was cleaned off, much of the paint came with it. The carpet's been steam cleaned and the fecal matter has been removed from the base boards other parts of the wall and the window sill. The clothes have gone into the wash and the entire upstairs smells like poop. Because he opened up a container of cream I had so carelessly left in his room, the upstairs actually smells like poop and oranges. And steam cleaner formula.
I truly believe in the power of forgiveness and I know it's the right thing to do, but tonight, I just want to wallow in my misery, because not only is all of my work lost to poop - of all things, but because I really want to repaint it and I just don't have the time.
I'm so fucking bummed out.

3 Word Submission

Ha! You thought I was just talking smack about the 3 word submission. But here it is. I wish I would have used black marker for a more dramatic effect, but I couldn't find one so I used orange. Maybe I'll be picked to be on Good Morning America this Saturday, but then maybe I won't since there are a bunch of kids in the shot and they would be worried about a model release.

Dear Connor - 3 Years

Dear Connor,
It’s been three years since you came out to meet us and what a whirlwind it’s been. It’s been so amazing watching you grow so big and strong and I’m so fascinated by your little toddler mind. You are becoming more and more rational and I love it when I see your brain ticking away, a minute later followed by some random question. “Where do snakes live?”

Sometimes I’m completely dumbfounded when I hear my own words coming out of your mouth. Your eye squint and you point and say in your sternest voice, “Mommy, you STOP IT. RIGHT NOW. OR I WILL PUT YOU IN TIME-OUT!” I can tell by the look on your face, that it’s amusing to you, to be so brave. To talk to Mommy and Daddy like they talk to you. It’s exciting for a second to think that you might have such power and how it would thrill you if Mommy and Daddy actually did what you said. Because in your world, nothing would be better than being the boss.
Because you want to be in charge and Mommy and Daddy just don’t listen to you when you command them, you spend a lot of time, bossing your brother around. You take his toys or push him down… you take his sippy cup and try to drink it down, although it’s filled with milk which you dislike unless it’s spiked with Hershey’s Syrup. You tell him no. You threaten him with time out. We give you plenty of decisions that you can make on your own, things that you are able to control so you just don’t feel like you are bossed around all of the time, but since you can’t command Mommy to serve you ice cream for breakfast, having control over what color shirt you are going to wear that day isn’t very satisfying.

We had a birthday party for you today. Originally you wanted to Spiderman Birthday Party, but once we went to the store to pick our your cake, you fell in love with the Diego cake and had to have it. So, we had a Spiderman-Diego party instead. We hung a piñata, which all of the children took a whack at, finally pulling the strings on the bottom to release the candy. All of the children dove on the pile filling their bags with candy, but you choosing something that you thought might be a Starburst candy, took your single piece of candy away from the chaos, where you could enjoy the sweetness all by yourself. I went over and taking the candy from you, you looked up at me with such pleading that it nearly broke my heart. I explained that I wasn’t taking the candy, that you could have even more candy, if you just went and picked it up off of the ground. You happily trotted over, grabbed some more candy off of the ground and hurried over to show me your bag. I think you just might have learned the piñata concept today.
You got loads of toys, the first toys that you’ve had in a while, including new Playdoh, cars and lots of Spiderman goodies.

You still love the water and I think the best part of your day today, even better than the birthday party, may have been when you climbed into the empty drink cooler on the deck, after stripping naked and played in it, pretending you were in the bathtub. We were so worn out from the weekend that we didn’t have the energy to pull you out of it, since your Dad and I were having the first child free conversation we’d had in three days, he added a little more water from the hose for your enjoyment and you played away.

When your lips turned blue we brought you in and put you into a warm bath. I saw your little mind working and you said, “Mommy, can we go outside again?” I told you that we were done with outside for the day and you said, “But can’t we go outside and dig up worms? Dig them out of the ground?” This wouldn’t have shocked me at all if it wasn’t something that we did five months ago, and not since.
Tomorrow I’ll go back to work and you’ll get to play with all of your new toys, you’ll give Daddy hell and I’ll talk to you on the phone on my lunch break. I’ll come home, we’ll eat dinner, play and then off to bed with you. And so another year will start to pass us by. But this weekend, I promise to take you digging for worms.
Happy Birthday Baby!
I Love You,
Mommy

What Cute is

It’s 5:21 on Saturday. And I’m nervous. My first born son is about to walk down the aisle. I know if we can just keep him calm and his tux clean for another 9 minutes we’ll make it. He’ll be holding the hand of a satin clothed princess as he proudly bears upon a pillow the ring that will wed Mike and Robyn. Or the symbolic ring, as Mike, a very wise man, is not foolish enough to entrust jewelry to my toddler. But they can not find the ring pillow.

Jorma has been wresting with Connor for 45 minutes, struggling to keep him clean, waiting to pounce like a cat in case he bolts for the golf green, so he can roll like a dog in the grass. I too am on guard, flinching if he makes the slightest twitch towards the muddle puddle to the right. To Connor, this is a challenge. He senses the tension in the air and knows it’s about him, he knows he’s not supposed to climb that tree or play in that mud and that’s all he wants to do. The flower girl clutches his hand and together they try to run away to escape the parents chasing after them. If Connor is picked up, she clutches at his feet trying to pull him back down, until they are broken apart by her guardian.

They still can not find the ring. They bring over a sofa cushion that’s almost as long as Connor is tall, but wisely veto the idea. Finally after the violinist has played Jesus loves me three times in a row, someone finds a small white cardboard box which will work just fine. Holding the flower girl's hand, he gives a backward look of apprehension and walks down the aisle. After Mike takes the box from him, he falls back in with the flower girl and they run over to the bridesmaid’s side. He is quickly ushered over to the side where the groomsmen stand. Ideally, he should stand with the groomsmen for the entire ceremony, but even with the m&m’s that Sam, (who cleans up quite nicely), had hidden in his tux pocket, Connor doesn’t have the patience for it. He takes off over to the right of the groomsmen, where he’s swooped up by Daddy and taken to the patio far behind the guests, so they are not disturbed by his frequent high pitched demands for m&m's. By this time he's realized that the candy is there to keep him quiet and is fed tootsie pops and m&m’s until the ceremony is over and he is once again allowed, to run around and scream with his high pitched toddler voice.
In my lifetime, I have never witnessed such cuteness. If you put a truck load of baby ducks, in a sled filled with kittens that was being pulled by Labrador puppies you could not get more cuteness, than Connor in a tux, holding the flower girl’s hand. It’s 6:00 pm and I am no longer nervous, it’s time to teach my son the Electric Slide.

A Point About the Point Pointer

One of the many reasons that Quark sucks.
From the help guide - "Points: Select a point with the Point pointer"

I mean, really. The point pointer? I guess thingamahickey was already being used somewhere else.

Three for Me

This morning on the radio they were talking about this video. It's video of people that have submitted three word statements that sum up their life and it's pretty moving. It's interesting that people can wrap it all up in a three word statement, but some of them are fantastic. You can still submit and maybe view yours on Good Morning America October 27th.
I think I want to submit one, but I'm not sure what to say... it's so hard to sum it up in just three words. I think because so much revolves around the children and family at this point in my life, mine would be, "I'm Mommy Now" with the kids running wild in the background. I'll post my submission here.
I think it's a good Dewchild.com project though. I'd love to hear from all of my lurkers to see what sums up your current situation/life and if you submit to the 3 Word Project, please drop me a link, I'd love to see your world in three.

Dear Tristan - 13 Months

Dear Tristan,
You've officially been one year old for a month now and I feel our baby days slipping away. Your physical appearance is already turning from baby to toddler. Maybe it’s the shoes that have become a necessity as the weather has started to cool making excursions outside feasible. There’s just something seeing you in shoes that makes you seem older. Maybe it’s the silky blonde baby hair that’s starting to fill in, although there is no need for a haircut yet.

It could be the toning of your body as your grow upward and more active, trading baby fat for muscle in your diligent daily workout which consists of running laps around the kitchen, your brother or the living room. You are enjoying the extra millimeter of height that allows you to climb up onto the sofa, so that you and your brother can run back and forth across, like dogs in a kennel, cackling as you crash into the back and arms of the sofa. When you fall from the sofa, you cry, but not because you have fallen, but because you are OFF of the sofa. Can't we see how FUN it is on the sofa. BROTHER is on the sofa!

It’s possible that you seem less of a baby, because you are starting to express yourself, becoming enraged when your brother takes away your favorite toy or when you are denied entry into the fridge. For the first time, you are standing up to your older sibling and risking the inevitable shove or pinch as you try to rescue the toy from your brother.

Perhaps it’s the foundation of vocabulary, that’s beginning to blossom. Sounds that started as dadada and mamama, have now moved to Da-dee and Mama. The repetition of noenoe, said like a Frenchman, the sounds pushed through your nose, after we’ve pulled you out of the pantry, or your next favorite illegal play area, the bathroom. The wave of your hand as you say, “buh-buh” (byebye)because you understand that sometimes sounds go with motions.

It could be the developing preference for a sippy cup instead of a bottle. Or how you’ve noticed that whatever your brother has in his cup is much less watered down than yours and that when you are able to grab his cup, it’s better to sneak off into the play room so you are out of sight and can fully enjoy the sweetness of your victory. Often I look into the playroom when you've gone missing for 30 seconds and see you walking around in circles, your head tilted back, chugging all of the juice you can, your constant motion being the only thing that keeps you from flipping over backwards.

I’m trying to savor the little bits of baby time we have because before we know it, you’ll be begging for the car keys and it will be us that will waving “buh-buh”. No matter how far you go or how fast you grow the one thing that I know for sure is you’ll always be baby to me.
Love,
Mamama

Time keeps on slippin', slippin',slippin'...

Aside from Jorma having to clean poop off of our window sills there’s a whole bunch of not much going on in the Casa de Dewchild. I’m still keeping on, keeping on at my job in SC, which I just discovered is a 70 miles round trip commute. I also discovered that there’s a Starbucks right off the interstate along the way, in a spot where getting off and back onto the interstate is a breeze. It’s like you pull out of the Starbucks and just shoot down the ramp. It’s like they planned it that way or something. Oh wait.

I’m building all sorts of fun stuff at work and because Race Week the Conference is over and I’m actually getting to spend some time doing some quality design work without having to rush. My Mom-in-Law was in town last weekend and we got out of the house a little and just relaxed and enjoyed some conversation. We’ve been trying to save cash for so long that we can’t really invite people over for dinner and beers the way that we used to. As a result, the only entertainment at our house is come over and watch our children run wild, which probably isn’t a whole lot of fun for most people. It was nice having company and I realized how much I miss all of my peeps. It seems like since I’ve been working, I haven’t had a lot of time to make phone calls or blog, or even write the sympathy card that I’ve been meaning to write for a week now. Sometimes it feels like everything is slipping away from me. And I’m just too tired to care.
So, this week I’m going to try to play some catch up. Make phone calls, write notes, get back in touch with the people that I haven’t spoken to in forever, because I feel like if I don’t that life will happen and it will be 10 years from now and I’ll be wondering where the time went. And why I never called my friend back.

Is THAT...?!

eewww
Originally uploaded by Dewchild

Oh, no. That's EXACTLY what you thought it was...
Yet another reason to never eat off of our window sills.

Cheeses loves me

Connor announces at the dinner table, "CHEESES IS BLOSSOM!", over and over again.

I look questioningly at Jorma who replies, "He's means Jesus is Awesome. And that's why I don't worry about him getting religion shoved down his throat at school."

The Corporate Version of Race Week

One of the things that I’ve learned reading other people’s blogs, is that it’s not a good idea to write about your job in your blog. Especially bad things about your job. I don’t really have bad things about my job to write about, so that’s not a problem, but I thought I would write a quick post on why I’ve been slackin.
Last week the company I work for held a very large conference. I did the photography for the conference, although the lighting was crap so the picture quality was an incredible disappointment for me. I shot with a borrowed Nikon D50, which was the camera I’ve been lusting over. However, after using it for ten hours a day for four days, I wasn’t really that impressed with it.
The conference hours were long and in my mind, I kept calling the week Race week. Of course, race has more people and definitely more booze and is a lot more fun, if only because at the end of the night you get to hear Pattie and Dar’s war stories from the night. There weren’t any war stories during the conference or even after, but that’s just probably because they didn’t have a Jagermeister station in the evenings.
The hours were just about the same including an hour drive home, because there’s nothing better than working 12 hours and then sitting in the car for an hour to get home. I hate walking in the door from work and then going straight to bed because it makes me feel like all I do is work, but because that’s all I was doing anyway. That’s what I did.
The first night I went into hysterical Tristan withdrawal and completely convinced myself that he was going to completely forget who I was if he didn’t see me for two days. He didn’t see me for two days, but still remembered me when I came in, rewarding me with smiles and giggles. Connor didn’t seem phased at all by it, which makes me think that kids, like dogs, don’t really have a sense of time.
All in all it was good to know that I’ve still got it. I can still spend 12 hours on my feet four days and a row and live to blog about it. I got Friday off because no one wants to pay the temp THAT much overtime, but it was welcomed because by Friday, I was completely wiped. I slept in, I napped and I went to bed early. By Saturday I felt like a human being again which was good, since the boys expressed they joy that Mommy was back home by climbing all over me… all. day. long.